So this whole doubt thing that has been a struggle for me for a while. A couple of nights ago the struggle popped back up. And I was really getting frustrated with it. I was like I thought I had this settled so why does it keep popping back up. Well I had a conversation with two sweet friends a while back about it and I didn’t really get the answer. Not that these friends didn’t give me Godly wisdom because they did. They are two of the most Godly and wise ladies that I know of and who look up to and go to when I need Godly wisdom and advice.
My doubting issue was with my salvation. This has gone on for quite some time, years to be exact. It was like this tense, knotted up feeling that came and went whenever the doubt would come. Some of the thoughts that would pop in my head where like this.
- “You messed up, if you were saved you wouldn’t have done that.”
- “You did pray that prayer but did you really mean it?”
- “What if your really not saved?”
- “You acted this way, Christians don’t act like that, so you must not be saved.”
- “Your not consistent with your quiet time, Christians have their quiet time everyday.”
- “You haven’t been in church for a while, you must not be saved.”
“You don’t have to think the thoughts that pop in your head, you have a choice” – Joyce Meyer. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV). “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” – 1 Corinthians 14:33a (ESV).
Before I met with them I had been praying asking God a telling God I need someone to confirm this for me. Am I saved or am I not? So now you understand why my two sweet friends didn’t have the answer I needed. One of them even told me that’s between you and God. And only you and God know that answer. Well I heard what she was saying and it seemed to just go in one ear and out the other because it didn’t answer my question. But in reality it did I just didn’t catch it like I should have.
Steven Furtick said something that kind of stuck with me about struggles. “I look at them as an indication that I must be valuable to God and His purpose. I used to think they were a sign I was doing something wrong. The struggle is actually a sign of life. Struggle is a sign you haven’t been conquered yet. If your still struggling with an issue, that’s a sign that you haven’t given up yet. That’s a sign your still in the fight. The reason there is an attack against me right now is because there’s something valuable in me.” This is the video link to this interview (Click Here)
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10 (NIV).
So a couple of nights ago like I said it hit me again. Only this time I was praying and telling God, I’m tired of struggling with this issue. I really want to do your will and if I wasn’t saved then I probably wouldn’t have the desire to do your will. I really need to know Yes or No am I yours or not. Am I a child of God or not. I need a BIG DIRECTIONAL SIGN from you. Because it seems like I am sure one moment and the next thing I know I’m not sure. So please tell me because I need to have this settled.
“Doubt is a constant companion to destiny.” – Steven Furtick
I was doubting and I didn’t want to doubt. I knew that I had asked Jesus into my heart. But this little thought that I let in my brain, I let it stay there. I didn’t recognize that was from the devil and it kept gnawing away at me. I would push it off and think I had it settled one moment and it soon popped back up like an irritating itch that wouldn’t completely go away. I thought of this passage of scripture came to mind with a little help from one of my sweet friends to help me locate it in the bible. Because I couldn’t remember where it was, Paul talks about the struggle with sin and how he does what he don’t want and the things he wants to do he don’t do. “I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” – Romans 7:15-20 (MSG)
“The way to overcome satan is by the blood of Jesus and the power of my testimony” – Lysa TerKeurst. This is the video link (Click Here) Lysa was talking about these two verses. “Then I heard a strong (loud) voice in heaven, saying, Now it has come—the salvation and the power and the kingdom (the dominion, the reign) of our God, and the power (the sovereignty, the authority) of His Christ (the Messiah); for the accuser of our brethren, he who keeps bringing before our God charges against them day and night, has been cast out! And they have overcome (conquered) him by means of the blood of the Lamb and by the utterance of their testimony, for they did not love and cling to life even when faced with death [holding their lives cheap till they had to die for their witnessing].” – Revelation 12:10-11 (AMP)
I thought about asking another person about this issue. Right after I thought about asking this person I felt God say to me, not audibly, but this pressing in my heart. “DOUBT. I am not the author of doubt. Doubt comes from the devil. I am not author of confusion and if I were I would have to deny myself, but I am God and I cannot deny myself.” After hearing those words that tense, knotted up feeling just disappeared.
I realized I was asking for the wrong person to answer my question. God was and is the only one who could answer my question. I was asking for a person to answer my question instead of asking for the God of the universe to answer my question that only He is capable of answering. I am so glad that the God of the universe speaks to us in a very personal way.